sev_ensnared_mirror | My worst character flaw [TM challenge]

Nobody is flawless. Perfection is a mere illusion created and supported by our own subconscious needs.

My flaws are many, some hidden, others on display for the world to see. There would be no point in listing them all. It would only serve as an exercise in humility and I have no need for such at this given time.

My worst flaw, if one can call it that, is envy.

Are you surprised? You didn't expect Severus Snape could stoop to the low of feeling envious of others and what they have? Did you think me raised above such human emotions?

I'm aware that my humanity as such can seem hidden so well, it becomes invisible and therefore non-existent in your eyes. But it is there. I would not be alive if not. I would be a shell. Again, some of you might consider me just that, a dark and cracked shell, resentful and hollow in the pursuit of revenge against those who slighted it.

But vengeance is in my opinion not a flaw. It is a survival instinct. Only when it takes over your life and your actions completely, does it become the opposite and you self-destruct. I am yet to reach that point and I hope I never will.

Returning to the actual point of this, I will explain why I see envy as my worst character flaw.

I envy those who are free to make choices and changes in their lives. I am not.

I envy those who are able to give and receive love, those who have it. I dare not.

I envy those who can express their feelings without having to fight walls erected and meticulously maintained by themselves. I cannot.

I envy beauty, because I don't have it. Neither in body nor in spirit. Only my skills can in any way come close to creating it.

I envy youth for having what I have lost and never enjoyed in the first place

The list is long and I will stop myself before I bore you.

This is my flaw and it is that, because the influence it has on my life and my decisions is greater than it should be. I find myself unable to move or even look past it more often than not. I let others feel this envy, veiling it behind sharp sarcasm and cutting remarks of derision. I push others away with it and thus enforce it further, since that prevents me from overcoming the causes for that envy in the first place.

But of course, this is not something I can afford anybody to know. It is a weakness as well, something that could be abused, should the right incentive be present.

Sadly, that leaves me with only one choice.

Obliviate!*

Muse: Severus Snape
Fandom: Harry Potter
Wordcount: 460

*Obliviate = Memory charm that modifies or erases portions of a person's memory (HP Lex)