[identity profile] .livejournal.com posting in [community profile] sev_ensnared_mirror
Severus was working his way through the Potions Journals, making note of Belby's associates, co-writers and co-researchers. He tried not to think about what he had said to Remus. That he wouldn't be able to keep fixed schedules. That Remus shouldn't suffer under that fact. That Remus shouldn't be alone.

Even if Remus not being alone, meant that Kirill would be moving in with him after all.

Wouldn't it just be best to ... let Remus go all together?

He couldn't. He was too selfish and he didn't want to lose whatever he had left of a semi-normal life. At least he could feel somewhat normal, when he was in his lover's company. However infrequent that was. And however infrequent it would be, now...

He knew he could do this in New York as well, in the house he had established there. The laboratory was fully stocked by now and most of his working journals were there. But Remus would know instantly when Severus entered that house...

And what if he doesn't come?

An utterly foolish thought and so insecure it disgusted him. And so doubtful. He had no reason at all to doubt Remus or Remus' love for him. But when he was truly honest with himself, he did; Doubted, because he wasn't enough, doubted because that's what he had done all his life, doubted that he would ever be able to change and bannish that deeply ingrained paranoia that seeped into every aspect of his life. Even the good aspects.

Severus slammed the journal shut, angry with himself. Then he hissed in pain, clencing his left fist as his mark burned. This was why Remus shouldn't be forced to be alone, this was why he had to accept the hole in his soul. Rising, Severus apparated to the location of the summons, mind blank, restless feelings pushed deep within himself.

He didn't return to Florence, when his presence was no longer required. Instead he apparated to Brooklyn, New York, and entered the small house. He needed ... needed to eradicate the doubts in his mind, needed to face himself in the reality that was his life now. If Remus came, he would be glad. If not, he would be glad too, since Remus wasn't alone then. And Remus should never be alone. Severus knew the taste of that only too well, and did not wish it on his lover for anything in the world.

(OOC - posted from another comp, since I still have no internet connection at home. Replies to tags will be sporadic at best, until I reconnect *whimper*)

Date: 2005-09-19 02:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] moonyblues.livejournal.com
Remus starts a bit as the tingle goes through him. It tells him that Severus is in New York, at his house in Brooklyn.

And Remus doesn't hesistate. Kirill knows the drill. He leaves a note saying he'll be back later, and he apparates over to see his lover.

Date: 2005-09-19 05:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sev-ensnared.livejournal.com
There are no anti-apparition wards on the house. In fact, the only wards set by him are to protect the laboratory. Too much magic in one place will create attention, and such simple 'househould' wards are not bound to alert anybody.

He is also not wearing his glamour, glad to be rid of it.

Severus has hardly even arrived, when he hears the distinct sound of an apparition. It can only be Remus.

So much for the value of your damned paranoia, Severus! he chides himself, going into the living room from where the sound came. He smiles as he sees the man, his lover.

"You are fast, Remus." There's a light tone of teasing in his voice, even if he only now realises just how much he has needed to see his lover.

Date: 2005-09-19 06:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] moonyblues.livejournal.com
"Not fast. Just eager to see you," he says as he walks to Severus and embraces him, kissing him deeply. He runs his hands through his lover's hair and sighs.

"How are you? Has everything been alright, or as alright as it can be?"

Date: 2005-10-11 04:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sev-ensnared.livejournal.com
Severus' arms slide around Remus, holding him tightly in the kiss, letting the sensations rule his mind for lovely moments.

"I am well. Nothing has changed, although I will have information for you soon." He has to be completely sure of the plans that are in the works, before risking anything.

But right now, everything is all right. And Severus kisses Remus again, one hand sliding up to his lover's neck. Just the simple touch of warm skin and soft hair sends a jolt of pleasure through him. Gods, how he has missed this man.


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