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[.livejournal.com]

It was almost dark again. A day had once more passed Severus without notice, his only focus the flames playing around the wood in the fireplace. He had stopped thinking a while ago, as his thoughts had started going in circles, ever tighter, ever more painful, until it was a physical ache deep inside him.

It could also be hunger, he mused idly.

But how could such a mundane thing hurt more, than what he had done?

How could anything compare to the act he had committed only a few days ago?

Albus would be buried now, surrounded for the last time by those who had loved him as they said their good byes. A good bye of sorts had been said that night, but it had drowned in Albus' plea, in the information he had needed, in the act...

...in seeing Remus deeply engulfed in a fight that could have cost his life, while all Severus had been able to do, was flee, protect Draco, prevent Potter from destroying everything.

For all he knew, Remus could be wounded.

He could be dead... Severus sighed and rested his head on his hand, trying to massage the building headache away. Only, it was no headache. It was the painful thought of Remus dead, searing its way through his mind along the same scorched paths left behind by Albus' death.

Remus had to be alive. Even if it meant he would be tormented by the death of Albus, by Severus' ... betrayal. Severus could not accept the possibility of Remus' death.

At least he would not be alone. Kirill would be there, Severus was quite sure. The Russian had seemed extremely attached to Remus, and would surely not abandon him now. He would possibly even leap to the chance of finally having Remus for himself.

Perhaps Severus should see that as a blessing and not contact Remus? Would the man not be happier then, if he didn't have to face a murderer? He could not see Remus forgiving him for this, even if he could explain the reasons. And how could Remus love the same man who had killed Albus Dumbledore?

Didn't he love me, even if he knew I am a Death Eater? Even if he might have suspected I was implicated in the death of his friends? Even if he knew I had killed ... had done the bidding of the Dark Lord? Didn't he love me in spite of the fact, that I had shown him nothing but cold dismissal and hatred for most of our lives?

But he knew, all that faded in comparison to using the killing curse on Albus, and meaning it. He would never have been able to kill the old powerful wizard, not even in his weakened state, had he not meant those two words, meant to murder Albus.

Severus looked at the wand on the table in front of him. He had not used it since he apparated home that night. He couldn't even get himself to touch it, the dark polished wood mocking him with what he had done with it.

With a low growl, Severus got up and turned away. The wand on the table suddenly snapped without notice, as if two strong hands had taken hold of it and simply broken it in two. Severus didn't react as he stalked out of the room, into the bedroom.

He changed into the muggle clothes he had acquired a long time ago. Simple black trousers, a white shirt and a black jacket. He avoided looking at his reflection in the mirror, knowing only too well what he would see.

Without any wand, he was forced to walk. He didn't care much for walking, but at his pace he would reach Florence within half an hour. He had memorised the path to La Strega D'Urlo, the Inn that marked the entrance to the wizarding part of the old city.

Walking thus, among muggles, was a strange experience. Nobody seemed to take any notice of him, most of them clearly engulfed in their own matters.

As he entered the Inn, only few heads turned towards the strange figure in muggle clothing. And most of those heads turned away again quickly. Only the barman behind the counter took note of the face, the haunted eyes and the pale complexion.

"Buona sera, Signore." He greeted politely, as Severus approached him.

"Buona sera." Severus was not as fluent in Italian as he could have wished, but he managed to get the directions he needed, as he spoke with the barman. He would have to learn Italian to be able to live here. If he was going to live here...

Is this living?

He moved through the inn and out the backdoor, surprised to see a simple wooden door. It was marked Riservato, and as he turned the door handle, opening the door, he suspected it wouldn't react to muggles.

Most of his errands took no time, only as he entered Masciullo Wands, did he hesitate. The old man behind the counter looked straight into his eyes and offered an almost toothless smile in greeting. English was out of the question, but there was no need to explain why he was there. The scrutiny brought back memories of the first time he had been given a wand. At Olivander's. And the efficiency with which the right wand was found, even more so.

Severus looked at it. It was so very different than his old wand, but it felt right in his hand. At home. And different was good. He needed no more reminders than the two pieces of wood still on his table, back at the house.

He paid and left, knowing his name would not figure anywhere in the shop owner's journals. No matter how good wand makers were, none of them were immune to Obliviate.

Outside, he saw the public owlery just across from the wand shop. It was still open.

He had avoided thinking until now, but Remus instantly came to the surface of his mind. Merlin, it would have been so much easier had he not indulged himself, allowed himself to fall in love. Allowed himself to ignore what had been bound to come.

With brisk strides he entered the owlery and paid for an inter-continental owl delivery, then made arrangements for owl deliveries being made there. He gave a false name and reminded himself to obliviate the man before leaving again.

[Owl]

Remus,

I know I am the last person you would want to speak with now, but I need to talk to you. When and where I will leave up to you, should you accept. I do not ask you to trust me or even believe me, but at least listen to what I have to say.

I love you.

~S

[/owl]

Only when the owl had been sent on its way, did he wonder why he had added the last words. They were true, but wouldn't Remus see it as ... mockery? As more lies? It was too late now to change anything and if he was honest with himself, he didn't think it would make any difference. He didn't expect an answer.

He might answer just to set you up? Another possibility, even if a small voice deep inside him, told him Remus would not do something like that. Because why not?

After Obliviating the Owlery official, Severus left and then apparated home, facing another sleepless night with resignation.

Comments

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus recieves the owl while Kirill is at work. He stares at it for a very long time.

He should send it back unopened.

He really should.

But the talk he had with Kirill had introduced enough doubt in his mind that Remus had to consider the fact that Severus just might have been following Albus' orders. And, even though Remus still had many major problems with that prospect, they weren't enough to block Severus out completely.

And, even so: Remus still loved him. Always would. So hearing him out was in his best interest.

[owl]

How about Azkaban? I imagine they have a nice room made up for you. And they'd let you stay there for the rest of your life, I'm sure.

Unless you're planning on telling me this is all just a big misunderstanding, that you have a good reason for killing the man I looked on as a father?

Give me one good reason I should talk to you, and I'll consider it. If you can't think of one, do us both a favor and don't contact me again.

[/owl]

Remus sends the owl, then crawls into bed and closes his eyes.

The fact that Severus wrote him at all must mean he either honestly has feelings for Remus...Or he wants to use Remus' feelings for him to keep a foot in the door of the Order. Or...He just doesn't want to lose his piece of ass.

Which it is...Remus will have to wait to find out. He's already procured some Veritaserum, just in case.

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

Against his own better judgement, he apparates to the owlery the next day. He's now under a strong glamour, his hair shorter, brown, with light curls. His skin is no longer pale, but lightly suntanned. His face is ... non-descript. One of those faces you see, and forget again only moments later.

He hates it.

He hates the necessity of it even more.

He checks his box. Either the note is back, unopened, or it's not. He's not even ready to contemplate the possibility of Remus actually replying. Not so soon at least.

But he has replied. The note just lies there, his hand hesitating as he reaches out. Then he takes it and pockets it.

Whatever Remus has to say to him, he would rather not read it in the presence of others.

At home, he opens the note and reads. He can almost hear Remus say those words, even if he can't really remember having heard that tone from the man before. The sharp and biting sarcasm, the anger... But it's there, in the words, in his head, once more facing him with what he has done.

Severus sits down at the small desk, still staring at the note.

Can he think of any reasons, Remus would think valid? That Remus would believe?

Does Remus not realise, he is not the only one who has lost Albus?


[Owl]

Remus,

Azkaban might very well be in wait for me, and if so, I will go there when the time comes. But not before I have completed my task.

I have already said too much as it is, so I do not know what reasons would convince you to speak with me. None that should be conveyed in this manner.

None other than that I love you and I hope that those feelings are still returned. I would understand if not.

If that is not enough reason for you to hear me out, I will not contact you again. I have no wish to cause you more distress than I know I already have.

~S

[Owl]

He apparates to Florence and sends the owl off before he can change his mind. Before he can convince himself he should give this up and simply concentrate fully on the task still before him.

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus receives another owl the next day, again while Kirill is at work. He's spent most of his time in bed, sleeping or staring at the wall. He's not eating, and he hasn't shaved or taken a shower. He managed to use cleaning spells, at least. He has no desire to smell bad.

Kirill sleeps next to him at night, and Remus is grateful for the undemanding company. Kirill has been very understanding, talking when Remus wants to, which isn't very much; not talking when Remus doesn't want to, which is most of the time. Or, talking at Remus when Remus wants to feel as if he's not alone, but is not actually up to interacting. Remus knows Kirill doesn't like to talk a lot. He takes it as a sign of his love, that he's being so indulgent, and that he isn't bothering Remus about needing to get out of bed and get himself together.

But, still, he misses Severus. Worries about him, even though he's so angry. Loves him.

He leans up and scribbles a reply.

[owl]

I told you I will always love you; that I've found my master.

I may be many things, but I generally am not a liar.

If you're willing to take Veritaserum and talk to me, then come to my flat. Whenever.

If not, then, so be it.

[/owl]

Remus sends the owl off and closes his eyes again. He won't be sleeping, but somehow it helps, to close his eyes.

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

The next day begins with pain, just before dawn. It does not wake him up, since he has not slept. But it startles him out of the stupor, in which he has been staring at the fire from his seat in the armchair.

He removes the glamour to face Voldemort.

Once more he is called into the presence of the Dark Lord, asked to explain young Malfoy's actions... or lack thereof. Sadly the boy has not been retrieved yet, and Severus allows a measure of relief to filter into his mind, even as he explains how Dumbledore was able to spin a net of befuddlement around the youthful and vulnerable mind. How Draco fought it well, but to no avail, the old wizard's strength still too overwhelming even in his weakest hour. How Severus had been forced to step in and take action, before the Order managed to come to Dumbledore's aid. How chosing Draco had been wise, even if the boy could not fulfill his task. That Draco had managed to draw attention towards him, to make Dumbledore hesitate those crucial moments. Nobody could be faulted for his failure, as it had been inevitable. But all should acknowledge his determination and obvious wish to do the Dark Lord's bidding.

He can see that these words are not truly what the Dark Lord wishes to hear, but the flattery, the truth in Severus' eyes and words pave the way for understanding. This is all he can do for Draco and Lucius. He can but hope, the Dark Lord sees this as penance enough from the Malfoys. Lucius may be and believe many things Severus does no longer agree with, but he will always be an old friend, and he cannot abandon this friend easily.

Finally he is released from the summons and can return home. He feels drained but still ... he has to check whether Remus has replied or not. All thoughts of Remus have been surpressed heavily for the last couple of hours and as they reenter his mind, it is almost a rush of pain, outshining the lingering ache in his arm.

He reapplies the glamour and apparates to Florence. Silently he reads the message at the owlery, only the clerk observing him with less than cursory interest for a few moments before returning to some paper work.

Remus loves him still. The pain intensifies for a few moments, cutting into his soul and his expression mirrors that hurt for a few seconds before he can school it.

Remus will also see him and has apparently not taken measures to ward Severus out of his flat. But can he allow the man full access to all truths? To all lies? To everything he might wish to ask, while Severus is under the influence of Veritaserum?

He knows the one anti-dote to the truth serum and he is tempted to use it. He can also use the small pensieve, but would Remus not notice the holes, should a question concern any of the removed strings of memories?

He needs to think on this, to sort through his priorities. He cannot risk endangering his current position and nobody else must know, not even the Order.

Taking a clean sheet of parchment, he writes.

[Owl}

Remus,

I know you are not a liar, but I would have understood if my actions had caused your feelings to change. I am happy they have not.

I will see you and I am willing to take Veritaserum. I trust you will not contact anybody and inform them of what I say or alert them to my presence.

Expect me within the next couple of days.

~S

[/Owl]

He sends the message off, pays and returns home, wondering if not he's endangering everything he's worked for, by his wish for ... his need for keeping Remus' love.

It is the only true thing left to your life, Severus.

No, it was the only thing left to his life. And if he lost that as well, nothing would remain but his purpose. A mere tool, poised and ready to strike.

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus gets the owl and writes back:

[owl]

Fine. And I trust you won't do anything to impede the Veritaserum. Actually, I'll not trust that. I'll have to verify it with magic. Don't eat or drink anything for eight hours before you come here.

The sooner you can come, the better. I would have this resolved, as I am not doing very well with the situation at present.

[/owl]

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

Reading the owl, Severus understands Remus' lack of trust. It reflects very much, what he thinks the man knows about him.

He feels he needs more time. More time to compose himself, to get past the pain inside him, the grief. But in waiting, he will in turn hurt Remus.

It will not take much effort to follow the request of not drinking nor eating. He has no wish for neither at the moment and has not touched food since that fated night. He should, he knows, his magical strength waning as the energy in his system is slowly depleted. But he also knows it would taste like ashes in his mouth.

He doesn't hesitate after not drinking anything for eight hours. First he removes the glamour, then apparates to the West coast of Ireland. He stands for a few moments, staring out on the ocean towards West, numb to the brisk breeze on his face, to the brilliant summer colours around him, to the sun moving past zenith, to the warmth generated by the sunlight against his black jacket and trousers... just numb.

Even if Remus loves him, he might decide not to accept the truth. Or he might not be able to stay in Severus' company, the company of Albus' murderer. And he will not hope for anything else. It will be as it will be.

With that thought, he apparates to Remus' flat in New York, reappearing with a sharp crack just inside the door. He puts his new wand away and simply stands, waiting for Remus. His features are gaunt, paler than usual - if possible - and drawn, shadows under his eyes proof of the sleep he has not had.

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus stirs when the wards let him know that someone has apparated in. It has to be Severus.

He sighs and sits up in bed, running his hand through his hair. He knows he looks like crap. But oh well, one can't be stunning all the time, he thinks with a smirk.

Remus draws his robe on over his t-shirt and boxers. He really doesn't see a need to dress up for this. Grabbing the vial of Veritaserum, he pockets it.

Trudging downstairs, he sees Severus there. The other man looks as bad as he does. A stab of concern goes through him, and he buries it. He has to be sensible, right now. As much as part of him wants to go to Snape and embrace him, another part wants to punch him. Remus decides to go with the third part, the part of him that's too numb to do either.

"Severus," he rasps out, making his way to the couch. He sits with a sigh and runs his hand over his eyes. Glancing to Snape, he points his wand at him and does the spell to verify he's not ingested anything, then tosses the vial to him.

"Let's get this over with."

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

Remus looks as if he's just endured another full moon, without the potion. Severus figures he looks much the same.

A small jolt of ... not fear, but something goes through him, as Remus points his wand at him. He realises, that even if he trusts Remus more than anybody alive, his always present paranoia has grown, filtered into all parts of his being during the last days.

He pushes it down and catches the vial. He looks at the clear fluid. Only a few drops, and he will be unable to say anything but the truth. In all matters. He can still turn away, but he knows, if he does, another door in his life might be closed forever. Perhaps the same door behind which his sanity lies.

He takes the amount needed for the required reaction and puts the vial down on the coffee table, as he moves over to a chair and then sits down.

He waits, looking at Remus.

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus watches and waits. When Severus looks ready, Remus speaks. His voice is soft and lacking in inflection. He's so tired, just of life in general. And seeing Severus under these circumstances is hard.

"Alright. I have no desire to interfere in things I don't need to know about. All I care about is the specifics of you killing," his voice breaks a little and he clears his throat. "Albus. So. I guess the most important thing: Were you acting on Albus' orders, when you killed him?"

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

The truth to that question is more complicated than such. There is no simple yes or no answer. If only there were, then many matters would have been easier.

"In part." There is no holding back the truth, no matter its complexity.

"I acted on a vow... two vows to be precise. One magically unbreakable, the other equally impossible not to honour, even if not due to magic..." Severus looks at his hands, a trickery of his mind placing the image of his old wand there.

"I had no other options than to ... kill him."

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus finds this answer unsatisfactory.

"What I'm asking is: Did Albus want you to kill him? If he were here now, would he be proud of you, or ashamed?"

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

Severus looks directly at Remus again, his voice firm even as pain slices through him.

"He asked me to kill him when the time came. I suppose he would be proud, even if sad..." Severus looks away again. "It was a price I was not willing to pay, but he demanded it of me. It was crucial."

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus nods and looks at the floor. Well, that makes him feel a lot better. At least Severus is not a traitor.

"I wish..." He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I wish I could have been told. But...I understand. Albus always was of the 'only on a need to know basis' type. And I realize I really had no need to know. No more than anyone else. Although, I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish either of both of you had told me anyway."

He looks up at Severus.

"Everyone thinks you've betrayed us. I thought so, too, to be honest."

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

"And would you have reacted as you did, had you known the truth? Would you have been able to play out the part needed, to ensure those beliefs didn't waver when they saw your reaction? You are not that good an actor, Remus." He has no wish to hurt Remus with his words, but this is what he believes and he is still bound by the Veritaserum to say the truth.

"I wish I could have told you, warned you. And I almost did, saying too much in my messages, hinting towards what I knew must come at some point."

And even now, he is endangering everything. But he cannot and will not change that.

"People are best left in the belief that I am a traitor. A cold-blooded murderer. This was the ultimate show of loyalty towards the Dark Lord, and his trust in me will ensure my position at his side. A position from where I will be able to strike when needed." He has entered a waiting game and he is dismayed that it is Potter he will be waiting for. For once, he hopes luck will truly shine on the boy, else all will be lost at the hands of a rash teenager.

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus stares at Severus.

"I didn't say telling me would have been a good thing to do. I just said I wish I could have known."

He gets up and kneels in front of Severus, moving his hands to the other man's thighs. He looks up at him and blinks, trying not to leak.

"Severus. I hate to ask. I don't want to take advantage of the situation. But...I'm going to, anyway. Because it's the only way I can reconcile what you've had to do with how I feel for you. I just need to know: Do you really love me?"

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

Severus meets Remus' eyes, the need to know so very clear in the man's eyes, in his voice, in his mind.

"Yes. I love you. Else I would never have come here today. Else I would not have endangered the sacrifices made, to ensure that the one thing remaining to me, would not be destroyed as well."

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus looks down, sighing heavily with relief. He wishes he could have trusted without asking, but so many people have disappointed him in his life, he just can't risk it again.

He flexes his fingers against Severus and looks back up at him sadly.

"I still can hardly believe he's gone." Remus lays his forehead against Severus' knee and lets himself weep softly.

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

Severus reaches out with his hand, stroking his fingers through Remus' hair and over his cheek.

He cannot believe it either, even if he was the one casting the curse, even if he had watched Albus fall from the tower, like a puppet discarded by a disgruntled child.

"He wished for his death to make a difference, to serve a purpose... he was dying, Remus... he had been dying for a while, his last quest only pushing him closer." Those last thoughts and memories shared, the pleas... the knowledge... it all comes to life in his mind again, as does the pain.

"I was the only one he judged capable of doing what needed to be done. And I was the only one who could gain enough from his death, for it to fulfill a true purpose." His short laugh was bitter, filled with resentment he knew he had no right to feel. Albus had given him more than he had deserved, more than time, more than a home, it was only right it should be sacrificed. He hated it anyway.

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus nods against Severus' leg, taking comfort in his lover's touches.

"I understand. And it was obvious he was weakening. Still a shock, though."

It is an immense relief to Remus, to know that Albus' last moments weren't spent in anguish over someone he trusted betraying him. Rather, they would have been of knowing Severus was doing what needed done, setting the stage for what had to come next. Considering the situation they are all in, it wasn't a bad way to go.

Remus gets up and slides onto Severus' lap.

Once he's decided to accept Severus' explanation, Remus sees no reason to withold anything. He moves his arms around his lover and lays his head on his chest.

"I guess, in a way, this whole thing makes you...Safer. In your work. Surely you must be trusted implicitly, now, considering...

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

Severus' arms go around Remus, holding the man against him. Relief he's never felt before, finally fills him. Not all it lost. Not yet, at least. He can ... live, a little while longer.

He pushes his face into Remus' hair and closes his eyes, relaxing for the first time in days, feeling safe. Feeling loved.

"No." He sighs "Only as far as The Dark Lord goes. Before, nobody was hunting me, nobody believed me a murderer and a traitor. I have Aurors and Order members on my trail now. People I have no wish to harm, but must, if they should succeed in finding me. Which is why I have left the British Isles and moved to the mainland. Using a glamour, I will hopefully remain undetected."

He will not think of what will happen once all is over. They will have lost or won, either way ... he has difficulty in seeing a future for himself.

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

"I don't know that the order is actively looking for you, at the moment. We're regrouping, trying to figure out where to go from here. Especially with Harry gone..."

He sighs heavily against Severus' chest.

"Well. If I'm asked to look for you, I'll agree to do so. But I won't, of course. Maybe I should volunteer..."

He looks up and moves his hand through Severus' hair, then kisses him slowly, as if he wants to memorize it. Which he does, really.

"You can stay here, whenever you want to, you know? No one would ever think to look for you here. Particularly where I am."

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

Severus closes his eyes as Remus kisses him, a sensation he has not thought he would experience again, a taste and feeling he will never forget.

Remus' offer brings a small smile to his lips, because the man is right. Nobody in their right mind, would come looking for Severus Snape in Remus Lupin's flat. The thought of being here, is tempting. So close to Remus and so far away from those in search of him.

But... he blinks.

"Potter is gone?" Severus suddenly exclaims, when the words truly catch up with his mind.

"In what manner is he gone?" He looks intently at Remus. If Potter has run away, has endangered himself in some way... That foolish boy!

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus sighs and keeps moving his hands through Severus' hair.

"Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, and Harry seem to have buggered off. After Bill's wedding. I imagine they've gone to try to end this, to find Vol...Him."

He shakes his head.

"They're being searched for, of course."

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

Severus resists the strong urge to jump to his feet and pace, anger at Potter surging through him.

"Dumbfool boy! He might end up destroying everything with his ignorance and cocky self-confidence!" Severus sighs and lets his head fall back against the headrest of the chair, closing his eyes. He suddenly feels completely and utterly drained.

It might end up being all in vain after all.

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus has nothing to say to this. He basically agrees, but has given up defending Harry to Severus.

Instead, he straddles his lover and leans full-body on his chest, kissing his neck softly.

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

Severus' eyelids flutter lightly at Remus' lips against his skin, the warm weight of his lover's body, but they don't open. His hands slide up over Remus' back, holding him close.

He will have to stay more in the Dark Lord's company from now on, should Potter against odds succeed in finding him.

But for now, neither have a place in his mind. For too long has he thought of nothing else and he needs a break from it, admitting to a strong need inside him. For Remus, for comfort, for love, all things that have seemed lost, until now.

"I love you," Severus murmurs as he tilts his face down and turns towards Remus to kiss him, slowly, lingeringly, lovingly. It is almost an incantation, a ward surrounding them and a core of Severus' being, a safety against the raging madness around them.

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus moves his hands to stroke Severus' cheeks gently as they kiss. It's beautiful, how his lover holds him, how they fit together, how Severus' lips move on his, soft and warm, like every good dream Remus has ever had.

"And I love you, Severus," he mutters into the kiss. "Make love to me," he whispers even more softly. "Slowly. Please."

Remus runs his hands from Severus' face to his shirt and starts to undo the buttons.

"I need you."

His voice is barely audible, but somehow Remus is sure Severus has heard him.

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

Severus hears Remus perfectly well, the words sinking deep into him, warming him.

"Yes." He kissed Remus again, his hands first pushing the bathrobe off Remus' shoulders - leaving it up to him to get rid of it - then moving under the t-shirt, over the smooth skin of Remus' chest, his thumbs rubbing lightly over his lover's nipples.

He needed Remus as well. Needed him so badly, it almost hurt. Impatient to feel more skin, he moved his hands down again and took hold of the t-shirts hem and pulled it up. Only interupting Remus' good work for a short moment, he dragged it fully off the man and discarded it.

With a low hungry moan, he cupped the back of Remus' head and drew him into another deep kiss, His other hand stroked firmly over Remus' back, relishing the feel of his lover's skin and muscles.

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Severus' hands were just...God, he knew how to use them. The dexterity of a Potionsmaster's hands was highly underrated, so far as Remus was concerned.

He fumbled a bit with the shirt buttons, but who could blame him? Anyone would have trouble if Severus was kissing them like he was kissing Remus.

Finally he got it unbuttoned. Thank god!

"You've lost weight," he muttered against his lover's mouth, his hands sliding down Snape's chest. "I'm sure I have, too."

They both had had a very hard time, Remus knew. Severus even more than he. After all, he'd had to...do it.

God. Severus' strength astounded him. His ability to do what needed done.

"God, I love you so much," he muttered, then kissed severus again as he undid the other man's trousers. "Take me to bed, Severus. I want to do this right."

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

Severus couldn't hold back a shiver, at Remus' clever fingers sliding over his chest, tracing ribs that are more prominent than ever, at Remus' words. He could easily map out the bones beneath his lover's skin, but it didn't matter. The only thing that mattered, was the warmth radiating from Remus, from his fingers, from his entire being. And Severus wallowed in it, letting out a low moan as he was kissed again.

His hand at Remus' neck trailed around and cupped the man's face as Severus draws slightly back to be able to look into those beautiful amber eyes.

"I love you, more than I can express." the strength of his emotions were overwhelming and he had no control over this intense need for Remus. He knew the Veritaserum was still active in his system and it was influencing him. But it was still the truth, all of it.

He reached down with his other hand, finding his wand and gripping it. Not breaking the eye-contact he moved the hand up again and around Remus' back, holding him tightly.

Severus wanted to do this right as well, wanted to make love to Remus. And with a clear vision of Remus' bed in his mind, he apparated them onto it, sitting on the edge, Remus still straddling him.

He drew Remus' head close again and murmured "I want to make love to you," before kissing his lover.

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus moaned wantonly as he was kissed. He'd thought he would never have this again, but he did. Right here, with him, for him to take and run with.

"Love you," he muttered against Severus' mouth. "Want you."

He pushed Severus down onto the bed, covering his lover with his body, kissing him passionately before sitting up.

"Clothes, off."

Remus stood and disrobed quickly, not wanting to wait any longer than he had to.

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

Severus silently watched Remus take off the last bits of clothes, admiring the sight with a feral hungry gleam in his eyes.

His wand was still in his hand, and he didn't hesitate with using it. Pulling himself up on his elbows, still looking at Remus, he pointed the wand at himself, banishing the clothes with a thought.

He had no thought to spare for his appearance. The too prominent ribs and bones, the sallow skin... There was only the look in Remus' eyes, the strong desire Severus clearly saw in them and his lover's mind. That was what he needed.

Not moving, he continued looking intently at Remus as he spoke "Come here."

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus does as he's told, sliding onto his lover, kissing him deeply as his hands go to Severus' hair.

The love he feels for this man is almost overwhelming. He has to force himself not to be consumed by it.

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

Severus' arms went around Remus, holding him as close as possible, feeling every inch of his lover's body against him and moaning into the fervent kiss at the sensation. How he had longed for this, thought it lost, destroyed.

His hands slid up to Remus' shoulders and he rolled them over, settling on top of his lover.

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

ftb