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sev_ensnared_mirrorSeverus had spent the prior night staring at ... the moon. It was full and the effect had been obvious - to him at least - in Remus, when he had come for the potion the day before.
He was still not sure this was a good idea. He knew himself well enough to know that he needed to do this, if he even contemplated going any further with ... whatever was between Remus and him.
Just the mere fact that he used the name, Remus and not Lupin, in his mind now was indicator enough for him that there was more than just a simple base physical attraction.
The ease with how the shift in his mind had occured also indicated there had been more for longer than he realised. Or was ready to realise.
But now he was going to face it full on. Remus in his werewolf form. He could still very vividly remember the last time he had seen that, and it was not a relished memory. He freely admitted - at least to himself - the fear he had felt then, both for his own safety, but also for the foolish children.
But this time... this time he would know if that fear was too great to overcome. The potion would ensure his safety, true, but that had no consequence at all when it came down to the irrational elements of the fear. The elements that stemmed both from stories and myths, and from what had happened so very many years ago, initiated by a stupid reckless schoolboy, prevented by another equally stupid schoolboy and paid for over and over again by a third. And that not entirely without Severus' fault, the last.
But Remus had moved beyond that, beyond what Severus had knowingly inflicted on the man through words and actions. So should Severus, since Remus' fault had only consisted of thoughtlessness. Grave and dangerous, but not intentional.
Yes, he had done a lot of thinking today, and most of it thoughts he had not touched for years, decades even. It had even affected his concentration in classes - thank the gods only 1st and 3rd years. But it had been thoughts that had needed to be worked through.
And now he was ready to leave. As ready as he could be. He wouldn't need much, really. Only a few toiletries and the potion, all of which were now gathered on his desk, the goblet covered with a temporary stasis spell to keep it fresh. That would only work for a couple of hours, but Remus would drink it before that.
He would need to apparate, the floo system simply too ... uneven to ensure the potion stayed in the goblet. Severus shrunk the toiletries and pocketed them, picked up the goblet, then left his chambers and with brisk determined strides he moved outside and beyond the anti-apparition wards of Hogwarts. He pulled out his wand and a few moments later, he reappeared outside Remus' door.
For a moment he had to simply breathe and refocus, the long distance apparition slightly disorientating and uncomfortable. Then he knocked and waited for Remus to answer the door.
He was still not sure this was a good idea. He knew himself well enough to know that he needed to do this, if he even contemplated going any further with ... whatever was between Remus and him.
Just the mere fact that he used the name, Remus and not Lupin, in his mind now was indicator enough for him that there was more than just a simple base physical attraction.
The ease with how the shift in his mind had occured also indicated there had been more for longer than he realised. Or was ready to realise.
But now he was going to face it full on. Remus in his werewolf form. He could still very vividly remember the last time he had seen that, and it was not a relished memory. He freely admitted - at least to himself - the fear he had felt then, both for his own safety, but also for the foolish children.
But this time... this time he would know if that fear was too great to overcome. The potion would ensure his safety, true, but that had no consequence at all when it came down to the irrational elements of the fear. The elements that stemmed both from stories and myths, and from what had happened so very many years ago, initiated by a stupid reckless schoolboy, prevented by another equally stupid schoolboy and paid for over and over again by a third. And that not entirely without Severus' fault, the last.
But Remus had moved beyond that, beyond what Severus had knowingly inflicted on the man through words and actions. So should Severus, since Remus' fault had only consisted of thoughtlessness. Grave and dangerous, but not intentional.
Yes, he had done a lot of thinking today, and most of it thoughts he had not touched for years, decades even. It had even affected his concentration in classes - thank the gods only 1st and 3rd years. But it had been thoughts that had needed to be worked through.
And now he was ready to leave. As ready as he could be. He wouldn't need much, really. Only a few toiletries and the potion, all of which were now gathered on his desk, the goblet covered with a temporary stasis spell to keep it fresh. That would only work for a couple of hours, but Remus would drink it before that.
He would need to apparate, the floo system simply too ... uneven to ensure the potion stayed in the goblet. Severus shrunk the toiletries and pocketed them, picked up the goblet, then left his chambers and with brisk determined strides he moved outside and beyond the anti-apparition wards of Hogwarts. He pulled out his wand and a few moments later, he reappeared outside Remus' door.
For a moment he had to simply breathe and refocus, the long distance apparition slightly disorientating and uncomfortable. Then he knocked and waited for Remus to answer the door.
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Date: 2005-05-28 03:35 am (UTC)There was still a part of him that found it unsettling; the closeness, the emotions stirring inside him, the fact that it was Remus Lupin stirring them. But he had made a very conscious decision in concern with Remus. And that included accepting whatever this... liaison would create inside him.
But love?
Would you be here for anything less?
He didn't know. He wasn't sure what he felt yet. Not even as he silently watched Remus undress and lie down. But he would find out, of that he was sure.
"I promise," he replied calmly. A slightly forced calm, since it was close now. The transformation... the wolf. He sat back on the couch and breathed slowly, deeply, almost as if it was he who would be in pain shortly.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-28 04:11 am (UTC)He'd meant to take it to Severus one of the previous days, but it had slipped his mind. He knew Severus would understand why he'd gotten it.
Remus lay still and tried to stay as limp as possible. He knew tensing up or fighting it only made it worse. If he just accepted it and let the curse take over, it would be quicker. No less painful, really, but quicker.
He breathed in and out steadily as the tingling progressed to prickling, then itching, then burning, until his whole body felt like he was in a too-warm oven. As the heat intensified, he whimpered a little, biting his lip but unable to stop it.
Remus curled into a fetal position as he felt his bones and muscles start to shift. Then bones were breaking slowly, moving around, shortening, lengthening, changing shape to fit the wolf, not the man.
He began to sob softly, then weep louder, until the change kicked in full-force and he screamed, unable to help it, a part of his mind glad he'd remembered the silencing charm.
The breaking and screaming went on for a couple of minutes, until he was more wolf than human, and the screams turned into agonized howls of pain.
Finally the shift settled, and Moony lay there panting, whining softly as the pain slowly receded. He knew he'd have to stay on the floor for a few minutes recovering, then he could get up and move around.
He inhaled.
Snape was still there. He tried not to scent anything else. He didn't want to know his emotions, just his presence.
Remus was still, only moving enough to breathe steadily as the whining died away.
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Date: 2005-05-28 04:48 am (UTC)The fear was there, he realised. Irrational but no less real.
Leave...
He couldn't, he wanted to witness this.
Remus started to cry with pain and Severus' fingers curled into the couch. Not to keep him there, but to somehow get rid of the instincts tearing at him.
Remus screamed, the transformation now visibly taking hold in Remus.
Leave now!
No! He forced himself to look, to hear, to face what he feared and to face what it did to Remus. The sound and sight of breaking bones and tortured muscles evoked revolting memories that made him clench his jaws, his face going slightly paler, and only with great effort he was able to force his mind back on one thing.
Remus.
Howling... Ice filled him, the wolf was here, he could see it, hear it... almost smell it, even though that was impossible.
Run!
No.The ice was replaced with determination. Fierce and powerful.
Transfixed, Severus watched Remus transform fully into the wolf, watched how skin became lush deep fur, how features already so wellknown changed into something else... a form he also knew.
And no less beautiful Severus blinked.
It was still there, the fear, and he knew, should he lift his hands from the couch, they would be shaking from the adrenalin released into his system while watching this. His heart beat frantically in his chest and his breathing had quickened slightly.
This is Remus too. His grip on the couch loosened as he gained control over his reactions, his fingers almost aching as blood found its way back into his fingertips.
Silently, he waited for Remus to move.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-28 04:59 am (UTC)Finally he got up and shook himself like a dog, orienting himself. He huffed softly and stretched, whining softly again.
His senses were sharper, like this. His mind was basically the same, but with a veneer of wolfish canine instinct that he found a little disconcerting.
Moony turned toward Snape, but didn't advance on him. He sat back on his haunches and just looked at Severus, blinking slowly.
He cocked his head questioningly, wondering if he should go over or stay put.
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Date: 2005-05-28 02:21 pm (UTC)Remus
stretch and move around. Severus pushed them away. He had no need for them now. This was not a comparable situation on any levels at all.
Nevertheless, another shiver went down his spine as Remus sat down and looked at him.
The wolf was huge. Much larger than any wolf breeds he had ever heard of. He had known that, of course, but seeing it here, in clear light and without the confusion of fear and terror... it was intimidating, even though he knew Remus wouldn't harm him. The look in Remus' eyes and the posture told him that, even though he already knew. The potion...
He took another deep breath meeting the intent - but not predatory - golden gaze, hoping it would steady him fully, and spoke softly. "You understand me?"
A strange desire to touch the deep fur, immerse his fingers in it, ran through Severus.
no subject
Date: 2005-05-28 02:44 pm (UTC)Remus wouldn't move till he thought it would be alright, until Severus gave him an indication.