Second night of the full moon at Remus' place.

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Severus had spent the prior night staring at ... the moon. It was full and the effect had been obvious - to him at least - in Remus, when he had come for the potion the day before.

He was still not sure this was a good idea. He knew himself well enough to know that he needed to do this, if he even contemplated going any further with ... whatever was between Remus and him.

Just the mere fact that he used the name, Remus and not Lupin, in his mind now was indicator enough for him that there was more than just a simple base physical attraction.

The ease with how the shift in his mind had occured also indicated there had been more for longer than he realised. Or was ready to realise.

But now he was going to face it full on. Remus in his werewolf form. He could still very vividly remember the last time he had seen that, and it was not a relished memory. He freely admitted - at least to himself - the fear he had felt then, both for his own safety, but also for the foolish children.

But this time... this time he would know if that fear was too great to overcome. The potion would ensure his safety, true, but that had no consequence at all when it came down to the irrational elements of the fear. The elements that stemmed both from stories and myths, and from what had happened so very many years ago, initiated by a stupid reckless schoolboy, prevented by another equally stupid schoolboy and paid for over and over again by a third. And that not entirely without Severus' fault, the last.

But Remus had moved beyond that, beyond what Severus had knowingly inflicted on the man through words and actions. So should Severus, since Remus' fault had only consisted of thoughtlessness. Grave and dangerous, but not intentional.

Yes, he had done a lot of thinking today, and most of it thoughts he had not touched for years, decades even. It had even affected his concentration in classes - thank the gods only 1st and 3rd years. But it had been thoughts that had needed to be worked through.

And now he was ready to leave. As ready as he could be. He wouldn't need much, really. Only a few toiletries and the potion, all of which were now gathered on his desk, the goblet covered with a temporary stasis spell to keep it fresh. That would only work for a couple of hours, but Remus would drink it before that.

He would need to apparate, the floo system simply too ... uneven to ensure the potion stayed in the goblet. Severus shrunk the toiletries and pocketed them, picked up the goblet, then left his chambers and with brisk determined strides he moved outside and beyond the anti-apparition wards of Hogwarts. He pulled out his wand and a few moments later, he reappeared outside Remus' door.

For a moment he had to simply breathe and refocus, the long distance apparition slightly disorientating and uncomfortable. Then he knocked and waited for Remus to answer the door.

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Severus slowly managed to gain control over his breathing as Remus slithered up his body and pulled him into a kiss. The taste was almost heady, Remus with a faint touch of himself. And the fingers in his hair felt very good. Remus shouldn't know him so well that he was able to find the right places to touch, the right ways... so soon. He hummed softly to express just how nice this was.

The question surprised him. But Remus had expressed a liking of his hair before, and why deny him anything really? Severus' hands slid down along Remus' spine to stroke over his lover's buttocks.

"If you want to," his hands kept up the small caresses as he tilted his head slightly to nibble on Remus' neck. The languid ease of the situation was deeply relaxing and comfortable.

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[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus sighed and reached for the shampoo as Severus kissed and nipped him.

"That's so nice," he muttered, pouring some shampoo into his hand, then running it onver Snape's hair.

He moved both hands there, massaging, rubbing, lathering the other man's hair gently. He loved the feel of it, the weight of it in his hands.

"I really love your hair, Severus."

After moving his hands for longer than he really had needed to, Remus shifted them so he could rinse it. He slicked the water through Severus' hair, watchiing as it fell down over him.

"You're beautiful," he mumbled. And it was true, Remus did find Snape beautiful, exotic and unique and almost achingly attractive.

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Severus didn't stop licking and nipping at Remus' throat, even as the sensual massage Remus was giving his scalp coaxed small purrs of contentment out of him.

He snorted softly at the words, but smiled faintly and didn't comment on his lover's slightly warped sense of aesthetics. If Remus found him attractive... beautiful even, he would not protest it. It was an argument he was almost certain he wouldn't win and wasn't sure he wanted to win. Or start for that matter.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," he replied and turned his head to face Remus. No, if anybody was beautiful, it was this man. Not classically so, but undeniable even to critical eyes. Not that Severus' eyes were very critical at the moment as he kissed Remus.

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus kissed Severus back as he reached to turn off the water. It had gone from hot to warm, and was rapidly going from warm to uncomforably cool.

"That it is," he muttered, then opened the door and grabbed the towel he'd left out. He skimmed it over Snape, over his hair, scrubbing it as he smiled. He took the towel away. Severus' hair lay in disarray, and Remus had to chuckle.

"Adorable," he muttered, then went to drying himself off.

"You have to go back to Hogwarts to get the last dose of the potion, I suppose? But we still have a couple of hours to talk first, yes?"

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

First beautiful, now adorable. Remus was a strange man, but Severus felt strangely comfortable in his company, even with the odd comments. Perhaps because of the comments, the easy Remus seemingly felt with him, the love...

"I'm most certainly not adorable!" he growled, but without feeling any resentment at the words.

He ran a hand through his hair to achieve a form of order and watched Remus dry off, not hiding that he was taking in the delicious view of his lover and enjoying it.

"There is still time enough. As long as it doesn't get later than yesterday, it should be fine." He wondered if Remus wanted him to stay again. He could and he would, but the man might also have other plans.

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus smiled tiredly back at Severus. He felt like he should lie down again.

"Fine, fine. You're not adorable. You're stern and forboding and very, vary far from adorable. I'm afraid I have to stick by the 'beautiful,' though."

He leaned in and kissed Severus quickly, then stepped out of the shower and went to get a t-shirt and boxers to sit around in. He sat on the bed, propping himself against the headboard as he closed his eyes and waited for Snape to join him.

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

Severus followed Remus with a light chuckle. He didn't exactly have anything as comfortable as Remus was wearing now, but he was not going to sit around naked. He put on his trousers and his shirt, then joined Remus on the bed, sitting down next to him.

Remus still looked extremely tired and should probably rest more. But they should also talk, he felt. What had happened last night ... and this morning, was far too important to let pass without a talk.

Severus placed a hand on Remus' thigh, just feeling the warm skin beneath his fingers. Even looking like this, Remus was beautiful. Not adorable, or cute or even just handsome. He wondered how it could have taken him so many years to fully realise that, being so strongly observant in other areas.

You didn't want to see what you could not have. He had it now though. Right at his fingertips.

"I'm glad I came."

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Remus smiled and opened his eyes, then placed his hand over Severus'.

"I am, too. Very glad."

They had to talk. Today. Remus couldn't go on like he had been, knowing what he knew, knowing it wasn't right. But he wanted to know if Severus had fared okay, first. He knew he had, but he wanted to hear it.

"So, was it...Alright? Any...Second thoughts, after seeing that?"

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

"No," he stated calmly, without hesitation. He had no second thoughts. If anything, this had strengthened his will to be with Remus. Had showed him that there was nothing about this man he didn't want to be a part off.

At least not of what he knew. He didn't know everything about Remus, as Remus didn't know everything about him. A knowledge he expected would increase with time. Hoped.

"I have no second thoughts." But he should ask the same of Remus, shouldn't he? Even though it seemed as if the man was still set upon this ... relationship.

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus smiles openly.

"Good. Good. And hey, you finally see the effect of your potion, after all these years."

He rubs the other man's hand and leans in to kiss him softly, pulling back after a few moments. They need to talk, not make out.

"So, we do need to talk. I'm not sure where to start. I told you...How I feel. And I guess what we need to figure out is whether you really do want to see me, and come to know if you feel that way, too, or if you don't. I know, you said you did, but...There are things that might make you change your mind."

He sighs and holds Snape's hand tighter.

"I guess an obvious one is that I, ah, get around a bit. And I need to know if that's a problem."

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

Severus let Remus' words sink in for a moment.

Was Remus implying that he was going to continue... getting around even if they considered anything along the lines of a relationship? Even if Severus realised that he actually did love Remus...? Would that not be enough for the man? What would be enough for him then?

He didn't share well, Severus knew that. And he also knew he couldn't change that.

Maybe Remus shared too well? And was unable to change that?

"That, I would say, depends on what influence it would have on... your feelings, and what is between us." He was willing to push himself slightly. He had already done so, and he hoped it would be worth it. Hoped Remus knew what he was asking from him.

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

"It has no influence on my feelings. It's...Well. It's just who I am. I'm not saying I'm not willing to...negotiate. But we both need to know where we stand to get to that point. One thing I'm not willing to do is make promises I know I can't keep. So, I'm trying to be honest. Because I respect you and I won't lie to you. And lying by ommission is still lying. I have friends, that I get physical with. Strangers, sometimes, although less nowadays. I'm not saying we need to figure this out, right now, but I want you to know my shortcomings before you waste any further time on me."

That sounded bad. But it was, in effect, what Remus was getting at.

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

He could appreciate that Remus wanted to be honest, even as he didn't understand this aspect of the man next to him. Was sex really that important to him? Or was it the shifting partners, the changes?

"I haven't wasted my time on you yet, Remus, and I'm not planning on seeing time spent with you as wasted. Not now, not in the future."

Are you seriously considering accepting this? Could he even, if he was honest with himself. Would he not wonder, each time he saw Remus, who he had been with last? Who he was going to be with afterwards?

"If I accept this and wish to continue develop ... this relationship," Severus wasn't quite sure how to word this. It was unexpected to say the least, even if he had suspected that Remus was free with physical attentions.

"What would you then be willing to ... negotiate? As it is, I'm willing to try. I don't share well, I'm sure you know me enough to realise that. And what you're asking of me is exactly that, share something, no... somebody, you. Who I would rather have for myself." He should be honest too.

"But if this is something I will have to accept in order to be with you, so be it." It would demand a lot of restraint and control. Both something he commanded to a great extent. But he was also a human, with desires and feelings.

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus sighs and closes his eyes. He feels like he's being unfair. Probably because he is.

"I'd be willing to negotiate quantity, activity, that sort of thing. But...There is one other issue, before we even get into that."

God, this is hard.

"I met someone, right around the same time I realized I had feelings for you. I didn't know then that my feelings for you went beyond fondness and desire, and I never in a million years thought you would be receptive to me, although we did flirt. I thought you were just..." He shrugged. "Fucking around. Until the day Harry was supposed to meet us in your office," Remus blushes a little, thinking of it. "I didn't really think anything would actually come of it. I assumed you had a core of dislike for me that you could never honestly get over. It seems I was wrong, but...That's what I thought."

"So, right around that time, I met someone. Got to know him. And when I realized I was in love with him, I realized I was also in love with you. Honestly, I didn't want to be. Ever. With anyone. I never have been, before, even though I know now I've had feelings for you for a very long time, I just...Denied them. Told myself I would never fall in love with anyone. But now, I am, and I...Don't know what to do about it. So all I can do is tell you both and see what happens."

He looks away.

"And I will understand if you hate me. But I'm telling you now because...You aren't in love with me, and it would be unfair to wait and see if you ever will be to tell you this. Don't get me wrong, I want you, to be with you. But I'm not going to manipulate you to get my way."

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

Severus didn't move as he listented to Remus' words.

Remus was in love with somebody else? And he wanted to keep that as well, next to the casual encounters and... Severus?

This made absolutely no sense in Severus' mind. How could Remus love two people, as he said he did?

A touch of possessive feelings flared inside him, not quite jealousy, but disturbingly close. If Remus truly needed those casual encounters, Severus could have dealt with it. But this...

And he couldn't help that small tinge of resentful thinking, that the other man should back off, since Remus had had feelings for him first. A childish thought and immature, but it was there.

This was beyond sharing. How could Remus ask anybody to accept this? Wasn't he truly making it into an ultimatum?

See what happens?

Wasn't Remus making it easy on himself by putting the weight of decision on somebody else instead of actually doing it himself? How much did Remus really love either of them, if he was ready to simply accept any decisions they made and not ... fight for anything?

Severus on the other hand knew exactly how much he wanted Remus. Knew how far he would go to keep him, now that he finally had him. Knew that he would not simply step down in the face of opposition. Knew that he would be willing to fight...

But this also had him thinking of what he could offer Remus. The need for secrecy was there. If anybody should know of a relationship between him and Remus, it would potentially both reveal Severus' true allignments, and endanger Remus. What would stop enemies from using Remus to get to Severus? Remus could hold his own, he knew, but the man had also not been actually targetted before.

Other than constantly by the Ministry, you mean?

"Why would I hate you?" Could he even hate Remus now?

Oh yes, you can... you know only too well how good you are at hating, don't you? In passion the lines were thin after all, and this was passion. Whether it was love... he would find out.

"I don't hate you. I don't understand you, but that might not be necessary here." Not yet, at least. He didn't think he would be able to get an explanation that would make him understand better. But he would ask, at some point, what made Remus need sexual attention like that... what made him unable to decide for himself what he wanted... but not now. Not today.

"But what are you going to do if we both ... accept your terms?" How on Earth could Remus handle that without at some point pushing one away in favour of the other, for some reason or other?

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Remus sighed and looked at his lap.

"Because I'm not a very good person. Because I'm selfish and unable to make personal decisions. I don't know what to do, Severus. I just know..." He sighed again, a headache coming on fast. He rubbed his temple. "I just know I love both of you and deserve neither of you."

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

Severus didn't truly have an answer to that. Personally, he thought Remus deserved to be loved and that he was no worse than most people Severus knew. Selfishness was something he possessed to a great extent himself, so why would he scorn it in others?

"Well, you will have to consider making decisions, since I have no intention of drawing out of this." There was also the option that this other person would not be able to accept the terms, and then Severus would have Remus for himself. Or as much as he could, given the man's penchant for casual sex.

"Whether or not you deserve either of us is besides the point, and not something you can decide." He looked intently at Remus who was looking down, then reached up and cupped his face, turning it so Severus could look into his eyes. "You have me, as it is. Now it's up to you to make of it what you wish."

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus gazed at Severus and swallowed hard.

"I do love you. Very much. I hope you believe that. I...Severus, I don't want to hurt you. I won't leave you."

Remus knew this was true. Just as he knew he wouldn't leave Kirill. The rest? He could give up, if he needed to, and deal with it.

He blinked rapidly to keep from crying. The overload of emotion, something he wasn't used to, and the stress of the moon and of sharing it with Severus, letting him see that.

He smiled shakily.

"I've never let anyone see me change, before, you know? Not even in school."

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

It was quite obvious to Severus that this was emotionally hard on Remus. His thumb stroked up over Remus' bottom lip almost on its own accord.

"Then it was about time you shared that pain with somebody." His voice was lower. They both knew where they stood now. It had not made it easier, but clearer. And that Remus never even had changed in front of his friends... and he had asked Severus to see it as the first ever... it made something deep inside Severus warm and he smiled back.

"You shouldn't have to face it alone again." Severus placed a light kiss on Remus' lips and didn't quite move away. "I'll be here if you want me to."

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Remus kissed Severus again and smiled a little.

"Thank you. I appreciate it. It was nice, not being alone. Being with you."

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"I think the pleasure was mutual, if somewhat overwhelming initially." And intimidating. But now he had seen it, faced it, and it no longer held the same power over him.

Not as much power as Remus apparently held over him, a power Snape had no problem with. Else he would never have considered agreeing to Remus' ... conditions.

Remus, who looked tired and exhausted. Perhaps they had talked enough for now.

"Do you need anything? More rest might do you good." Severus contemplated if not strengthening potions would be helpful in the future. If he could adjust them so they wouldn't react negatively with the Wolfsbane potion, that could be possible.

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Remus nods. "Yeah, I usually sleep most of the time, on these days. You don't have to hang around, if you don't want to. Just bring me back the potion when it's time?"

Which wasn't very long, now. No more than an hour.

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

Severus was inclined to stay for a while longer, but it wouldn't be long before he would have to prepare the potion and bring it to Remus.

"I would stay, but the preparation takes some time as well, so I should return to Hogwarts. I will be back within half an hour." He still wondered whether Remus would like him to stay for this night too. He should ask, so he could make appropriate changes in his schedule, if necessary.

"Do you want me to stay tonight as well?" If not, he had at least offered.

[moonyblues.livejournal.com]

Remus ran his hand through Severus' hair. He had to be honest.

"No, no, I...That other man, I mentioned...He's coming over. So I can find out if this...Aspect. Will scare him away."

He looks down, then back up.

"I really appreciate the offer, though. And I will miss you."

[sev-ensnared.livejournal.com]

Severus looked into Remus' eyes for a moment, then nodded. He didn't move away.

"I see." So, judging from Remus' wording, it seemed that the other man lived close by. Of course, that would only truly apply if this was a muggle. Under all circumstances, it troubled Severus slightly. He hoped Remus knew this man enough to assess whether or not he could become a threat, if scared enough. As a wolf, Remus would not be able to defend himself with magic, neither against magic or physical violence. And deep down, Severus feared that Remus wouldn't attack in werewolf form, even if threatened.

"Does he know the particulars about your transformation? Do you trust him?"

Would he have asked this man to come, if not? Maybe. Severus wasn't quite sure how naive Remus was, when it came to people. And considering how taken the man had been with this 'open and friendly' world...